Yo. Before I begin, I should let you know that Mr Carte is making me do this because I am doing work experience with him and he said I had to write this stupid thing. My name is Dominic and I like chicks and football and music and that.
Anyway Mr Carte said I can write anything I like because he gets paid for it anyway and probably no one will be able to tell the difference. I don’t know anything about that but I will just keep writing here until the page is filled up and I can wake Mr Carte up and we can go to the pub.
Okay so today we haven’t done very much just drove to Mr Carte’s friend Guthead’s house and parked out the front while I read the newspaper and Mr Carte had a long and well deserved nap. He got pretty angry when I slipped a few bassline tracks onto my mp3 player and he said he could hear them when he was sleeping and it sounded like dogs being tortured. I go so how do you know what dogs being tortured sounds like and he looks at me funny for a second and then he smacks me over the head with the newspaper. Then he tells me to write this and he goes back to sleep and now I’m writing this and that is all we have done all day. It’s getting close to mid afternoon so it is almost time to have a well deserved drink. Anyway that’s what it says in the schedule.
Mr Carte’s van really really really stinks. It stinks like some old sweat or something, like a fat guy has been sleeping in here after drinking a LOT of booze and eating kebabs or something like that. I’m only guessing anyway I don’t really know what that would smell like but I bet it would smell like this.
Something something
Okay so what else should I write? Um. This chick who is really fit just walked past the van and I smiled at her but she gave me the finger but I guess that’s what happens if you just sit around in vans trying to look at fit chicks all the time.
I’m not sure if it’s normal for working guys like Mr Carte to sleep all the time. I think it’s pretty sweet if it is, but I really can’t figure out how he makes any money out of it. He said something about maintenance contracts but I have no idea what that means.
Yeah so last night I was hanging out with some mates and we were talking about that Natasha Kaplinsky on Channel 5 news and my mate Trav said she was fit as hell and I said I dunno man she’s like as old as a grandma and he said she could give him some sweets any day and I said oh man that’s gross and Chris agreed with me and punched Trav in the arm and Trav cried about it like a girl and then he put on a dress and did a little dance and everyone laughed at him. (Hahahaha that’s not really true but I can write whatever I like here and everyone will believe it so sucked in Trav you lose bud hahahaha!)
Anyway so that got me thinking about this work experience and what happens if some really hot chick or lady or whatever wants me to fix her security but she’s got like no money and she starts coming on to me and everything and saying ‘Oh Dominic I’m sure we can come to some kind of agreement over this little bill here I don’t have any money but there must be something we can do about it’ because Mr Carte says this sort of stuff happens to him all the time and it’s got to do with the glamour and power of being a security installer and also customers being really cheap. I said I thought it was probably pretty ethically dubious and it really sounded like a bit of an urban myth or one of them old films with the woman off Eastenders in it and he looked at me funny for a second and then he hit me over the head with his newspaper.
Dominic is wicked cool
Well there’s not too long to go now before I can wake Mr Carte up and we can go to the pub and I can eat some crisps and drink a coke or something because he won’t buy me any proper drinks. Or really I should say I will buy his drinks because he never has any money or cards on him for some reason he says he’s worried someone will steal his identity and I said to him why would anyone want to be you and he tells me to bugger off out to the van for half an hour so I’ll probably keep my mouth shut today.
I’m not sure whether I’d like to be a security installer or not. Maybe next week we’ll do some more work and I’ll be able to tell a bit better what it’s like but at the moment I still haven’t made up my mind. I’m tossing up between being a Premiership footballer, security installer, or something in computers. I guess I don’t have to decide right away.
Now it sounds like Mr Carte’s waking up in the back there. He’s making some pretty horrible sounds, and yawning and farting and all that sort of thing. I suppose it is pretty cool to drive around in your own bedroom all day. Maybe that’s why old people like caravans so much – they’re never more than a few feet away from a nice place to sleep at any given moment.
Well, that’s just about it I think because the page is starting to run out. I’m probably just going to hang out this weekend and play some football and Xbox with my mates and pick up some chicks when I’m not sitting in a van all the time looking like a bloody idiot and I can be cool and they’ll be all like ‘Hey Dominic you are the man you so fine with your new trainers and that’ and I’ll go yeah, I know. That’s what it’s like for kids these days. It’s pretty hard coming up from the streets. You gotta watch your back and don’t let the haters get you down or shoot you or anything. Okay, now he’s got the newspaper in his hand, so I’m outta here. Peace. Dominic Mountbatten-Hungerford.
