Despite the seriousness of its implications, the “porn on expenses” scandal surrounding our industry’s figurehead has been a great hoot for some of the media and a gift to comedians and cartoonists.
Let’s hope the nudge-nudge seediness of this, not particularly significant, expenses claim doesn’t shift the focus away from the real questions that need to be asked about not only Jacqui Smith’s allowances but, those of all our MPs.
While the national media assumes its usual holier-than-though posture on anything to do with sex, most people would say that, given what we have recently learned, the old ‘nod through’ is merely what’s to be expected under such a lax regime.
All this defensive “We’re claiming high allowances and expenses because our salaries are too low” cuts no ice with the electorate who are going through the worst economic times in living memory while drip fed half truths about the cost of living.
Who’s footing this bill?
Our MPs are, obviously, unfamiliar with the quick change price tags at the supermarket. Have they been to one in the past year?
Would they know that parmesan cheese is now being security tagged because it’s become so expensive the middle classes are stealing it for their spaghetti bolognaise?
Unlike MPs, most people can’t claim free this, free that, and forget about receipts.
What inner worlds do these people inhabit when they can’t see that the public will have nil respect for them until they clean up their trough?
Meanwhile, as we learn they’re claiming on average GB pound 144,000 each, the Prime Minister insists that none of this detracts from the job at hand, fighting crime and terrorism?
Sorry, but I beg to differ.
Just what type of society are we defending exactly? It looks like corruption and excess from the top down. You’d certainly be forgiven for thinking so.
In the fight against “radicalisation,” how much ammunition does this morality vacuum give to our enemies?
Insomniac view
I suppose you could say that any TV viewing is a gathering of valuable experience that could help shape the political landscape.
In my opinion, you can forget Question Time and Newsnight and all their predictable gibberings.
The true state of modern Britain is much more truthfully summed up via trashy but enjoyable late night programmes… and all available on Freeview too.
I give you my personal insomniac favourites: “Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend,” “Freaky Eaters,” “Naked Estate Agents” and “Snog Marry Avoid” – where Essex girls get a make-under.
I doubt if any of these are likely to be preserved for future generations – which will be a shame for our descendents who might want to know what state UK09 was really in.
Blast from the past
First we have Met chief Sir Paul Stephenson’s plan to make officers walk the beat alone instead of in twos – very Dixon of Dock Green.
Now I read that police whistles are making a comeback.
Yes, officers in Cornwall have been issued with them – mainly to attract the attention of cyclists (who, in my experience, too often need something to drag them back into a world where pavements are shared with pedestrians and a red light means Stop).
But where will all this back-to-basics policing end?
At this rate it won’t be long before police stations are opened locally and staffed 24 hours by grey haired, friendly desk sergeants who call customers “Sir” and “Ma’am”.
Or bells on police cars so we know the difference between them and other emergency vehicles?
How about sensible police names for the Heads of Citizenship Focus and Directors of Knowledge Architecture?
How about admin staff doing all the form filling so that officers can get on with the job of catching criminals and deterring crime?
How about declaring that the non-convicted are to be taken off the DNA database on the principle that people are innocent until proven guilty?
Now that might be going a bit too far.
Data remember
The tide, however, is turning on database information sharing.
Unlikely as it seems, the government has finally caught on that the public doesnt much like the idea.
They, undoubtedly, knew this all along but, in their obsessive power freakery (Jack Straw looking every inch the part in his disturbing KGB-style outfit), thought they could get away with it. This, as usual, is all under the guise of “national security”.
The strength of public pressure, however, to scrap the sharing of sensitive personal data across Whitehall departments, may have been a surprise.
The onus will now be on the sharing of information only in cases where there is a “clear benefit”.
This is the right direction, but the 30 groups that got together to highlight the dangers inherent in information sharing need to make sure they keep close tabs on who gains from these so-called benefits.
Humans – the weakest link
On the thorny subject of databases and things, I was interested to hear about a new device that might help end the problems resulting in people leaving USB sticks etc containing sensitive information on trains and in cabs.
I made a suggestion in this column a while back that the only way to prevent this kind of thing was to take the human element out of it by having devices with built-in auto destruct… a bit like Mission Impossible without the explosion.
Now, lo and behold – here is one.
This device ensures critical data is kept safe “without human intervention”.
Not so sure about the heading on the original press release though – “Inhuman Data Security” – but we get the idea.
Mobile dangers
“We never take information out of the office,” you may say – forgetting the huge amount of information stored on your phone that could “destroy your life” according to this survey.
Hard to believe but 16 per cent of people have their bank account details stored on their mobile with 24 per cent storing their pin numbers and passwords. Apparently, 11 per cent keep social security and Inland Revenue details on their phone and 10 per cent store credit card information.
Anyone who does this is just asking to be fleeced and probably wouldn’t get much sympathy if they became fraud victims.
More worrying are the 99 per cent of people who use their phones for business even though 26 per cent have been instructed by their employer not to. Seventeen per cent download company information and spreadsheets and 23 per cent store customer information.
At the very least make sure your phone is password protected.
Digital upgrade
I seem to frequently be writing about robotics, biometrics and the inevitable replacement of humans with a more reliable lifeform.
Here is one person who has taken this to a practical, if bizarre conclusion and made himself a prosthetic USB “finger drive” after losing his finger in an accident.
I’m sure that wasn’t the intention, but those who secretly covet a future where babies are tagged at birth – “for their own protection” and “national security” – might be encouraged by this unique storage device.
Forget about school, just upgrade them regularly.
Debtors prison
What joy! For the last six days I’ve been working to clear my debts – not just the interest.
In fact, we all have, according to this survey.
Apparently Wednesday March 25th was “Debt Freedom Day”. As a nation we worked the first 83 days of this year just to earn enough money to service the interest on our debts. We didn’t start paying off the debt itself until last week.
But whoever came up with the ridiculous title needs to go back a square. Have we really become so used to the permanent yoke of debt that the day we start paying it off can be described as some kind of “freedom”?
Not pretty in pink
Isn’t all this anti youth thing getting a bit out of hand?
Ok, I could personally tolerate the Mosquito because, having reached a certain “maturity”, and going a bit deaf anyway, there’s no chance I could ever hear it.
Then there was the musical version pumping out classical music and Barry Manilow’s greatest hits – No probs, I like classical music.
Now we have the pink light deterrent – or “acne light“- in our underpasses.
Hold on a minute. Isn’t this going a bit far?
We don’t all have the creamy, porcelain complexion of the lovely Scarlett Johansson. Some of us look more like Bill Murray on a bad day.
This is blatant discrimination against the pimply-challenged of all ages and should be ceased before it gets out of hand.
Surely these rowdies will just go on to disturb the peace in low light areas where their spots will go unchallenged.
Meanwhile, some of us will be dodging the traffic on the five-way roundabout rather than suffer the indignities of the pink purge.
We must lance this boil on the face of security now.
